Rug ripple: Turn!
I reached a rug ripple. This is how I came to think of the situations when my husband would pivot to something new. He worked hard at everything he did. He learned a lot, he changed himself, he encouraged and helped others make changes. At first each new organization would welcome him, cheerful, enthusiastic and helpful as he was. He saw things in a new light and could communicate clearly what he saw in a diplomatic way. He decided, based on what he saw and learned, what changes he would like to see. Then he moved forward on those changes as he was able. He learned to stay within his purview, but was not afraid to speak truth to those in charge. He diplomatically insisted on change. Some changes came; he was always a help insofar as they would let him. But sooner or later people and systems would strain and stretch as far as they were going to. Changes slowed to a stop. It’s like pushing a rug in front of you. At first it’s easy to move. it bunches up a little more each push, until it’s rippled into tall waves of stiff carpet, unable to compress any further without strong effort. When that happened, my husband would switch gears and do something else.
Most often it was a new job, but he also switched positions within organizations, got more education, and tried physical challenges. When he passed away suddenly of a heart attack, he was two months into a new position at work, biking 70 miles a week, serving as assistant Scoutmaster, and training people in employment skills. One of his co-workers said he had made more changes in two months than the previous director had made in five years.
When my husband died, I embarked on immediate changes. Finances and his funeral were first, of course. Then I got my children and myself into therapy; there were constant emotional hills and mountains. I had four daughters at home, plus my youngest son. Three of them were homeschooling, one in college and one working. Some of the early challenges were learning about car loans, driver’s ed, and graduating one from high school the same week as another graduated from college.
It’s now been six years since his passing. One more has finished college. I’ve graduated another from homeschool and am homeschooling my youngest son. He needs to learn to drive and get a job, as well as finish his junior and senior years of high school at home. I hope to get him into college classes for dual credit, but aside from getting him to and from the classes, I won’t have to teach much. Three daughters have moved out, and the girls all have their own vehicles. I have more time available than I have ever had as a parent.
My physical health is not ideal. Part of this rug ripple is that I don’t have a lot of energy to go with this time. I need to change.
Biggest thing: I’m writing and posting online. I’ve been writing for many years, a little at a time. But now, it’s time to put it out there, where you can read it. I hope my experience helps you. Move that rug! And when it won’t push any further, turn!
