Medicaid is convinced that I’m making 300 dollars too much to qualify. So today I spent 700 dollars to get the first month of a basic health insurance policy, with co-pays of up to 100 bucks per doctor visit and a deductible that amounts to almost a thousand dollars a month when divided into a year.

What’s really crazy is this: it’s only a fraction of what health insurance really costs. This is the government subsidized amount.

I seriously considered going without health insurance. It might be cheaper. Then again, hospitals and doctors can charge cash patients two to three times what they charge insurance companies, because cash patients have no group bargaining power.

I have regular appointments because of pre-existing conditions; I’ve had thyroid issues since my teens and have the usual build-up of issues that come with age. Alternatively, I could have gone without healthcare all my life; I’d be dead now, without the wonderful supportive children who brighten my days.

None of us are going to get out of life alive. This whole business of healthcare is merely delaying the inevitable and making us more comfortable in the meantime. I want to help people live a high quality life, with little pain, while taking responsibility for my own health. That may mean going without some treatments. The costs are high.

My dad lived to be 97 and while we loved him and appreciated having him with us, he reached a point where he no longer wanted to be here. My mother is now in that phase, hobbling around assisted living. God gives us choices; additional technology means more options. So where do you draw the line?