Forgiveness

I have to begin by recognizing what I'm feeling, and giving myself permission to feel it, without lashing out at anyone, even myself. Then I look at why I'm feeling that way, and try to understand. I also look at the other person's point of view and try to see it. Often it's hard. I have to allow them to feel how they do, separate from my reaction. I can only control what I do. So I don't wait for them to apologize, or even to recognize that they hurt me. I try to speak clearly and calmly and not blame but point out what I'm feeling. This helps me understand, as well as letting them know what I'm feeling. It may not make any difference in their attitude, but it might lead to better understanding. I choose to try. With a better understanding I can more easily forgive myself and forgive them. My forgiveness of them doesn't depend on them at all! However, forgiveness does not mean allowing them to hurt me again. We are not asked to be doormats. We are asked to let go of hurt feelings, but set appropriate boundaries.