Directions!

I haven’t missed seeing my husband in the bathroom, or listening to his music. What I long for are hugs, and someone to talk things over with. His goals would be similar to mine, and he supported my efforts. He loves the same children I do. He had insights into what they needed; he worked to keep them going in good directions.

He was my safety net, in a lot of ways. Someone who would empty my barf bucket and bring me a roll of tissue. He would get gas in the car and put milk in the fridge. He spearheaded family meetings and scripture reading. He expected people would get up and move, so they did. He got up and moved out ahead of them.

I hugged people, saw to their emotional needs, prepared food and oversaw them washing the dishes. I listened to their chatter, constant thoughts overflowing into words and actions and laughter. I was present. He was often not present; instead he was doing things, going here, working, traveling. A whirlwind in motion, but a whirlwind with a definite purpose.

I sat. I hugged. I tucked people into bed. I stayed, the bow that supported our children arrows. I helped give direction.

I need directions now.