Today in border scams
Today in scam calls: About 10 a.m. I got a call from a strongly accented male voice, saying he’s with Border Patrol and Customs. I listen; it’s gotta be a scam, but I haven’t heard this scam before. I’m curious. He tells me they have intercepted several packages from China, addressed to me, and they contain a list of drugs; he mentions several medical names. Then he asks if I am expecting anything from China. I say no. He asks if I have ordered anything from China before. I say, not directly from China, but I have ordered from Amazon. He tells me they have these packages, addressed to me, and he tells me my address (mutilating my street name; it’s a long one but his pronunciation is close enough that I can tell he has it in front of him). I confirm that’s my address, and he confirms my phone number (he’s just called it and got me, so yeah). He wants to know if I know anything about these packages. I tell him no.
Phase two: he says, get a piece of paper and a pen so you can write down some information. I tell him to hold, I set down the phone and run to the bathroom quick, then come back. With paper and pen in hand, I tell him I’m ready. He reads off his job title, Assistant Commissioner in the U.S. Dept of Border Patrol and Customs (or something like that—I wrote it down, and it sounded like he wants to be known as authoritative, but a real assistant commissioner wouldn’t stress his job title as much as his name and his contact information, if he even cold-called anyone—which they don’t. Cold-calling people is this generation’s idea of purgatory). —He never gave me any way to contact him.
He gives me his name and makes sure I have the spelling correct. He gives me a case number to write down, and checks it. Then he gives me an arrest warrant number to write down. ??? I question this. He says there’s an arrest warrant out for me but it’s been delayed because of my past record of good behavior. He says they want to know why these packages are addressed to me, and if they’re not mine (I assure him they are not mine), is there anyone I know who might want to hurt me, I guess by using my address. I tell him no. It’s true; I don’t know anyone who wants to hurt me. Except maybe him, and that’s a general dislike, not specific to me; he’s hurting people by scamming them. He’s like Snidely Whiplash, talking about Dudley Do-Right: “I only meant to flatten him; I didn’t mean him any real harm.”
Throughout this time the customs guy has assured me he’s recording this call, and he’s not there to get my credit card or debit card number. He’s calling me to ask these questions because he wants to know if I have any information. Like some kind of “good neighbor”, who brings over a gift so he can scope your house for valuables to steal.
Phase 3: He then starts talking about finding a stash of suspicious things in Texas. He lists fake IDs, drugs, large sums of money (no specific amounts), and bankcards. He feels the need to list ten or more major banks by name, then says, “and many others”, and asks if these are my accounts. Do I have any accounts with any of these banks? I tell him I have one bank account with one of the banks listed. I don’t tell him which one, and he doesn’t ask. Do I know anyone in Texas? Yes. Who? I tell him a relation, but not their name. No way am I giving him any names, so he could pester my relatives.
At some point in here, my son comes in and gets on his laptop. The man tells me I need to be in a private place, this is just for me to hear, no one else. I tell him tough beans, and put the phone on speaker. My son pulls up the webpage of Border Patrol, where they have devoted an entire article to debunking this exact scam. Good to know.
I tell the guy he’s full of it (I blow a raspberry into the phone) and I hang up. Two minutes later the same guy calls me back and asks, “What happened? Did you hang up on me?” I say yes, because I don’t trust him. He protests that he’s really with Border Patrol and this call is being recorded and he needs me to answer some questions—but none of it will be bank accounts—he really just needs me to keep talking so he can glean something. At this point I don’t know what he’s hoping to learn, because he hasn’t asked much of anything.
He lists three addresses supposedly found in the documents, and asks if they’re mine. I say one of them is mine; the others are not. I don’t know why these cards are in my name. He asks me repeatedly if I’ve ever lost my purse or wallet, if I’ve ever reported a lost debit or credit card, if I filed a report on it. I tell him I have, in the past. I don’t give my bank name, I don’t give any specifics, just, Yeah, that’s happened to me in the past. He asks if I’ve ever been in a data breach; has my information been stolen? I tell him, yes, it has. I’ve entered my information on several websites (I don’t say which ones). My information is definitely out there. (After all, I think to myself, he has it.)
He wants to know why my name is on these cards. I tell him I don’t know anything about it. He presses me to tell the truth, remember this is being recorded. If I don’t cooperate the police will come and arrest me. I hang up on him.
Two minutes later a different male voice, with an even stronger India accent, says he’s a police officer with an arrest warrant for me. I laugh at him, and say, “You really don’t understand bureaucracy!”
There is no way in the world a customs officer could get a real police officer to call at just that moment, and if they really suspected me, they’d be at my door instead of somewhere in Asia.
I hang up on the police officer, and HE calls me back. Dude! If I had any doubt before, now I’m certain you’re scamming me.
What I don’t understand, is what they’re trying to get from me. I’m being polite. I’m being calmly obtuse, requiring them to explain themselves, and giving out no information that they don’t already have. They listed my address off to me, my zip code, my phone number, my first and last name. I confirmed those correct. They asked which bank was mine, and I told them I don’t have to tell them which is my bank. They mentioned the arrest warrant again, and I said, “That’s a threat. That’s illegal; you cannot threaten me. Do not call me again.” And I hung up.
Finally done. Satisfied my curiosity, sort of. I still don’t know how this scam is supposed to turn up anything useful for them. Maybe… if I felt threatened enough, or if I had actually done something wrong and feared them exposing it, I might give them something, my bank information or some money or something. But no.
I’m grateful to be honest. I can sincerely say that I have not knowingly or intentionally hurt anyone that I didn’t already apologize for or pray over or repent and try to do better. I make lots of mistakes, but I’m not holding grudges. I’m trying not to do anything illegal. There are fewer handles to grip, for them to jerk me around.
