Reduce mental clutter

Part of what keeps me going is the thought: What am I supposed to learn from this?

There are a lot of baffling things in this world. I grew up socially awkward, according to my peers, with very polite manners, according to my teachers. I’ve never doubted my feminine identity, indeed, it was a non-negotiable that I learned very early, slotted in before I was old enough to express it verbally. I like things that fit into patterns. There are far too many choices to make in this world; having some settled for all time cuts down on mental clutter.

When I was feeding multiple small children on a tiny budget, there were some foods I did not even consider buying, and if someone gave me a recipe that called for them, I’d either substitute something I could afford, or throw out the recipe. I set rules for myself, to reduce decision fatigue. Cream cheese and sour cream were two rejected foods, along with any meat that cost more than two dollars a pound. This was the 1990s; you could still get large pork roasts for $1.50 a pound, and chicken pieces on sale for 79 cents a pound. We ate a turkey at Thanksgiving, on sale for less than a dollar a pound, and a half ham at Christmas, for a little over a dollar a pound. Otherwise we ate a low-meat, high canned vegetable diet. Can sales in January netted green beans and corn at 33 cents a can, plus canned green peas, which toddlers like. I don’t see the allure of canned peas, but then, they don’t like barbecue beans, which adult me enjoys.

My husband can work in any field he wants, any time of day and any location he wants, as long as I get to decide with him what house and neighborhood we live in. The house is mine. I have occasionally asked him if he wanted something to change in the house; his stock response was, “You’re here all the time; I don’t care as long as there’s food and a place to sleep.” He did add, “and the dishes and laundry are washed,” after he realized I was not prioritizing those. I chose to feed and care for children, and keep the house sort of picked up.

I have delegated to each child, keeping track of their own belongings, and shortly after that, their clothing, shoes, and coats, as well. This is a long term goal, that each will dress and feed and bathe him/her self consistently, will present him/her self attractively (or at least modestly—with hair COMBED, wear a BELT, clean your own behind and remember to wear UNDERWEAR, under the clothing that you will ALSO wear).

For some reason I have no memory of current events in the 1990s.