I started my children on helping me sort clean laundry (not folding) as soon as they could understand directions. Doesn't mean they did it all the time, but they were learning. They all helped clean up toys and set the table as soon as they could walk, but the main thing there is I had to be doing it with them. Throughout their young lives, they do better if they see Mom and Dad also doing chores.

I started them washing dishes at the sink when they were eight; I did the dishes with them so they knew how to do it well. I gave individual dish day assignments, and if they didn't have the dishes done by the next morning they would have to do the next day's dishes as well. We team cleaned the living room once a week or so, ending with the vacuum person vacuuming after everyone had moved their stuff and put things away. Each child had a turn cleaning the bathroom sink and mirror, and older children had toilet and tub cleaning.

I started them on laundry a bit older, because they had to be tall enough to reach down into the washer without falling. We did all the family's laundry together until they were old enough to take college classes and work outside the home. At that point they had their own laundry to do.

Cutting the grass was my husband's job, and he assigned children as needed. My husband cleaned house on the days I was out and about, and he expected them to help. They jolly well better, or he would have words for them.

We dealt with complaints by giving consequences: no computer time, or no TV, or no eating until the dishes were washed. I had to supervise and it was work. We took Sundays off from chores except washing dishes. I cooked but taught them to prepare food as they grew. I figure they're going to be washing dishes and doing laundry all their lives, so this counts as part of their schooling. I have to work to keep the house running; they live here, so they also have to work on the house.

I gave year-long chore assignments so I wouldn't have to keep track in my head of who's doing sinks and mirrors today or this week; I rotated the chores to the next child once a year and spent the first month or so training them in their new jobs. That way everyone knew what they were responsible for.

We tried to spend part of every Monday talking and playing games as a family, which helped them get to know each other and grow closer together. I encouraged people to help each other and did not allow bullying their siblings. It still happened, but when it did, and I found out, I dealt with it. We are a family; we work together, cheerfully, or at least not angrily.

Building the family as a unit is more important than we realize. Yes, we have to work together to keep the family in food and clothes and the house reasonably clean. But the more important and long lasting result of working together is the relationship we grow with each other. We are bound by common experience and by love; we grow that love by working and playing together.